Finding a Hobby

So Tyler's been telling me for months that I need to find a hobby to do in my spare time, and help calm me down in times of.....well just being overwhelmed, so while he was up in Glenwood Springs this past week, and I was off of school, I tried to find out what mine were....

Fortunately they all flooded back in the matter of minutes. He told me before he left to give cooking, crafts, coloring a photography a try because he knew that's what I used to do when we first started dating, and I had the attitude of yeah but I don't want to get into that stuff again.

However, with Thanksgiving, this past Thursday I fell in love all over again with cooking.

Friday morning, my three year old cousin, wanted me to color in her Princess Sofia book, and put some markers in front of me, and I mean who could resist that!? So I bought a 24 pack of markers and am craving another Giant Page coloring book!

Friday night, Nicole and I spent a whole five hours making Christmas ornaments and now I'm thinking about getting into crafts again, maybe start nerding it out again, with scrap booking or maybe flood my walls with memories, or memories to be. I don't know, I also really miss writing too, and apparently that could be tied in with the scrap booking.

Saturday, I went to the library, and picked out a book that actually sounded interesting to me, but only made it through the first chapter. But hey! That's a whole 10 pages more than I've initiated in a while!

As for the photography I never really lost my love for it, I just don't do it as often, because I like outside pictures, but hate the cold.....so that's going on hold for a little bit. But I did take these not too long before he left if it counts.

Oh! I also found out that I need to get back into basketball, because I love the sport and I miss playing it.

Point I'm getting at... Hobbies are so important! I wish I would have taken the year off after high school, just so I could work to save up money, and indulge in some free time I never had the opportunity to do at my parents house. My advice to anyone, if you live strictly by schedule when it comes to anything up through high school; do NOT go straight into college. I tried making everyone happy like I always do, and I regret doing that, I wish I would have waited even a semester.

If you do have hobbies no matter how small, how childish, how irrelevant, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE find the time and energy to do it, make time to do it! Because people like me who have to work to go to school so they can survive later on, don't have that opportunity as freely, and it sucks.

The Future!

Well to start off! I got the job! I now a part of the Bad Daddy's team and that was such a relief to hear! I start either the 19th or the 25th for orientation and from there its training for three week. The upside: its a baby step forward to more money; down side, is for those three weeks I'll only be making minimum wage. Upside is I'll still be working at Noodles in the morning. What about school you ask. Ironically enough the training is the whole week I'm out for fall break, so no homework, no test no nada.

School: Still the same B-C average, but I honestly don't care. Biology for whatever reason my grade is not moving. I have five assignments missing from months ago, but otherwise maintain a low B high C average and she has me at 400 points behind! I just sent email number two expressing my concern so hopefully this time it'll work.

There's a quick recap. Now the reason I actually hopped on today was because I went to go get school advising and left so overwhelmed.

I don't know what I want to do with my life. I love psychology, and would love to know more about it, but doing for the rest of my life? I don't know if I could handle that. Then I found out my biopsychology wasn't even a minor there. So my options are now:

• Create my own major minor: that has to come with a proposal, which is based on research of the skills, careers, etc of the field. From there the university would have to put together all my classes. It sounds like a good option but again I don't know if its exactly what I want to do.
• I could also, minor in Biology: that would require 6 extra credits than the average minor would require, and as of right now Biology is not my friend.
• Another option is get a bachelors in Biology in Arts: can somebody tell me the correlation between biology and art? I don't get the connection. But this area focuses on general biology, organic and biological chemical chemistry and plant and animal ecology. NO. THANK. YOU. I hated all that stuff in high school.
• Last of my options, which is the most I'm considering is getting the Bachelors in Biology in Sciences department. This includes more of human physiology, cellular and molecular biology, and zoology if I wanted.

Gah! If I knew what kind of career I wanted I would feel like I would have more direction but I don't even know what I would want to do. Helping kids, definitely! Child psychologist make on average is close to $70,000 and goes up from there. That could possibly work. 

Psychiatrist sounds like something I'd be into. According to Google, (don't judge) they diagnose, treat, and help prevent mental disorders; but they also prescribe and I'm not down for that! How am I supposed to give out drugs like it's a cure all when I don't agree with medications as a whole. Maybe I could try that though, mental disorders are the whole reason I wanted to get into psychology.... I just found out I would be looking at medical school! Man I really hope this path is the right one for me!

Looking through the career list psychiatrist doesn't sound bad. Maybe I'll aim for that and see if that works!

I told myself that if psychology doesn't work I would turn to neurology, well both require medical school. So it looks like I'm headed that way.... I guess I'll start minoring in Biology in Science and see where that leads me.

Catching Up

So, I was asked why I did only a few blogs and then stopped for four months, and I didn't really have an answer, but it was implied that I should continue, so here's a recap of the past couple months:

1. I quit my job at Corner Bakery, despite my love for the company. It took several months but after working about 105 hours in two weeks (between the two jobs) and still struggling with the Corner bakery GM, I finally just switched to Noodles and Company. Noodles so far hasn't been too bad, but there's only four people I get along with, the rest are just obnoxious hypocrites that love to hurt people, and it's getting old.

2. I did a little more homework on my "dream job" (and I use that term very loosely), and finally put in an application last night, and I go in for a second interview on Monday. This company is called Bad Daddy's and just to clear the name, not it is not a dance club! It is a burger bar place with a roof patio which considering it's still not completely built is so far my favorite part. It's kind of built like a Tavern for those of you who know it. So I'm uber excited, so cross your fingers, and toes! So far it's looking like I'll start off as a host, and then move to server, but Sean said nothing is in pen.

3. School! Three out of my four classes are going successfully! The fourth one is broken up into sections on my "report card" and all the averages looked fine, but then I saw her announcement that I was supposed to be at 440 points and I only had 106 points..... yeah no bueno. So, I sent her an email, and her advice was to just keep up from here so I'm really hoping I can pull out of this one. On the bright side, in a little over two months I will actually be attending school, and making friends, and moving up in the world. I get more and more excited the more I think about it! I'm ready to finally be an 18 year old college girl, living the college life, not online! I register for classes the 9th of November!

4. I have a scholarship meet up again on November 21, and as nerdy as it sounds I'm really excited. The scholarship is funded by World War II veterans and they all remind me of my Grandpa Willie (who died when I was younger), so I'm really looking forward to that.

5. My kitty: a brat! He his now six months old, still not neutered, and it's now becoming a necessity! He is ornery as all get out, and he's all over me all the time! As much as I love taking naps with him, sometimes I just find him to be a little unnecessary. He still bites and scratches like no other but it's funny he knows to be gentle with me so he just nibbles. We did get him a scratch post though! And he loves it, and he keeps the claws out of the couch for the most part so, good news there. And to top of his manly look, we got him a bow tie collar, with a golden fish for the template with his name on it! He has now reached Classy Kitty Status!

6. I guess the last thing to mention is Tyler and I. We've gone through a roller coaster ride the past couple month but many factors played into it. To put in perspective, I had to go back home for a couple days, just because I got so overwhelmed with him, the house, the school, and balancing it all. But after three days, and an hour long phone call (lame I know) we cleared everything up, and we've been actually doing so much better since. There's a lot more communication, there's more listening, there's just more talking, more movie watching, so that's been moving smoothly as well.

As for me! I see a new day to start fresh. My goal from here is to really start getting back to what I want to do. Photography, crafts (lame I know), singing horribly in the car, dancing worse when I'm home alone, and just getting back to living. All the moving in and moving out, and stabilizing has been so overwhelming, and my motivation to do anything just got lost, and so for the rest of this year and to start off the new year I want to start recuperating and moving on from here! Wish me luck!


Hopefully pics to come :)

Day One to Day Four

For only being four days in, this apartment is really starting to feel like home. Paul's mom, Shelley took Nicole and I shopping for the kitchen and my kitchen (minus food), is complete. We went to the Goodwill and just had a blast!

I now have baking pans, cookie sheets, mixing bowls, spatulas, trashcans for all three rooms, a dirty clothes basket, a noodle strainer, salt and pepper shakers, a small hanging mirror, shelves, everything! for $105! Saturday was Goodwill's "whole store 1/2 price day" so on top of the mega thrift shopping, our thrifting was half off! BOO YA!

My dad has come around on the whole moving out ordeal. I can tell he's still not comfortable with it and I completely understand, but I think he's relieved at the same time. This area is a pretty decent area, everybody keeps to themselves, and it is pretty locked up. I have three different keys, not including the mailbox key, locked up. Anyway, he did hook us up big time. We do have a couple necessities because of him, and I'm incredibly grateful.

I feel like a rant too much so here's some pics.....

Living Room and Kitchen: Mission Accomplished!

Ghetto Living

The major stressful part is over! Tyler, my mom and I all signed the papers Thursday, and the rest happened so quickly! We went to see the landlord at noon and was there for forty five minutes going over everything and signing the papers. Nicole and Tyler lit up light like Christmas trees. I'm pretty excited but it's more for the DIY's, the no dad, and just being in a quiet environment.

I don't think I've mentioned these apartments, but it's right next to my favorite park where Tyler and I have so many memories and it's literally right across the street from work! I also love the fact that it's closer to my dog :3. It's a one bedroom apartment and it's tiny (well I guess average size) I think it's only 524 square feet. So my Moroccan style bedroom is going to have to wait, but I still have some ideas I can try. Oh! It has air condition but we don't want to go overboard so we have our floor fan. Last night, we had the air condition run for an hour tops and I got cold sitting on the living room floor, but we went into the bedroom and it was untouched! so I tried setting the fan next to the air condition blowing towards the bedroom. Yeah, it didn't work too well, so we had the window open last night with the floor fan on.

Yesterday was so exhausting! But, I had no idea the family dollar could be so much fun! We went to go get shower curtain hangers (at eight last night), and we had to be in there for at least 45 minutes. I didn't know this but they have towels, bathroom sets, cute little trashcans, soap dispensers and despite the really crappy quality, everything was so cute! I also noticed it might become my new King Soopers for a while. I mean Poptarts for $2, I think so! They had name brand toothpaste and deodorant for at least $2 - $3 cheaper than even Kings.

We also went to Savers, and if you can stomach the smell, I would highly suggest it. The furniture over there is really nice believe it or not, and uber cheap! Mom and I could only handle it for 15 minutes before we had to go get fresh air, but I was pretty impressed with Savers.

Oh, last stop at 9:30, was Kmart! I could've spent a lot of time there! They had comforters, pillows (lots of pillows!), couches, bean bags, everything! If I wasn't so exhausted from packing and unpacking, and the store didn't close in half an hour, I would've been in there a lot longer than I was.

I always knew that home decor shopping was going to be a blast for me, and I'm trying so hard to behave but it is taking every last ounce of my self control to not go overboard! I love it so much!

So as of day one for furniture, we have a half deflated air mattress, a camping chair, a $30 TV stand from the family dollar (that so far is holding up really well), and my 19" monitor, and that's it haha! I don' t mind it, it's how it's supposed to be, it's supposed to be brutally cheap in the beginning because then it only gets better. I get to start my lifetime goal of turning a living space into a home, and I cannot wait!

In terms of dishes; Tyler's friend's mom, (practically Tyler's mom, and as now claimed me as well), gave us really nice stone dishware set, it's really pretty too but so fragile! And because we haven't gotten silverware, so Tyler bought that party size set of knives, spoons, and forks, which for whatever reason cracks me up!

And for food, we are now officially on a poor mans diet, we have filled up an entire shelf of Top Ramen, and the shelf above that starts our collection of Rice O Roni, and boxed noodles!

***My Rambling

Being this whole project is more of a therapeutic exercise more than anything, I've got to get my feelings out. It's slightly negative so viewer discretion is advised


I know a lot of people won't believe me when I say, I've got my emotions under control for the most part. There are times I slip but for the most part I believe that my emotions are my problem, and nobody else is to blame for my emotional roller coaster. Lately though, I've been slipping.... a lot.

This whole ordeal with my dad has got me locked in an emotional tidal wave. I think that maybe if I'm nice and I behave, he'll fix my car. Maybe if I don't talk to him he'll fix it, maybe if I talk to him, he'll work on it. Nothing seems to work!! Either way my car is not being fixed. The idea that he owes me over $600 and that I could have payed for a whole car between the money in savings and the money I gave him, or even be in an apartment right now, disgusts me.

I've tried and tried to give my dad the benefit of the doubt for years! "He didn't have a dad growing up," "He's a single father, cut  him some slack," "He works a lot, he deserves a drink every now and again." But now I have nothing, my reason for his lack of sense is from the 40 something years of drinking (ironic, huh?).

I don't know when I'm going to realize I'm fighting a losing battle. He has lied to make himself look better. He's lied to make me look worse. He's lied to justify his behavior. It's amazing to see how much a liar gets our of a situation. He's got $250, two car titles he shouldn't have, and buddy's to get him out of the house everyday so he doesn't have to work on the car.... AMAZING!

Me on the other hand, I'm told that I'm the bigger person, and that I should just keep doing what I'm doing and "keep your head up high," "things will get better." So far things are not getting better, on the contrary believe it or not. I'm getting screwed over.

I haven't seen my mom and days, but lately she's been asking how the apartment thing has been going. I know she understands and supports the whole apartment thing, (not so much moving in with Tyler) but if it means I get out of the house she knows. But it's frustrating to me that she's nowhere around for days close to weeks and then she pokes her head in and cares and then takes off again.

Another thing, she was so against Tyler moving in because the example it would set for Nicole....Nicole came to me this morning telling me that Tom had slept downstairs last night...... Really?

I'm scared out of my wits about moving out, but I look at this house and just see walls, a roof, and a couple beds. Obviously, I have some incredible memories with my sister here, but for the most part it just seems like when the four of us are here, it's just shallow and an empty feelings.

I Might Have Messed up

Lately, desperation has just engulfed me. I'm so done twiddling with my thumbs in an empty house, I talked to my dad three days ago, and he said he needed $250 for the part to my red car and because the money for the Acura still hasn't come in. I went ahead and gave him the money. I did however go with him to get the part, so I know he has the part. However, when we got there, he swiped his card and pocketed my $250 and right then I knew I made a mistake...

Dad told me the part cost $250, but when we got there, they had done more work and upped the price to $329. I was texting Tyler about the part costing more than we expected, but didn't respond for awhile because Dad and I had gone to breakfast. 4 missed calls and 6 text messages later, he wasn't too happy with me.

Mom freaked out saying Sean had the money, when he didn't have the money. But she wasn't really thrilled about me giving dad the money.

Before I left work, I asked dad if he could pick me up at 11. I called him at 10:45, he didn't answer! So if Tyler didn't get off when he did, and mom didn't text me, I would have had to walk home.


Results: I'm out $250 and my car still isn't getting worked on, and dad's not willing to hand over the title to Sean so I'm not getting my $250, and my rage is increasing by the millisecond! Awesome!

The Past Couple Days

So, instead of stressing and rambling on here, I figured I'd wait until things started happening. And I know this isn't huge significance but I finally got some girl time with my best friend since middle school for the first time in close to three months. We had our traditional sleepover: lots of junk food, red box movies, and a lot of hours catching up. It was so past needed for the both of us!

 The fourth of July went okay, Nicole and I went with my dad to his friends house where we saw fireworks like hundreds of yards from where they launched them over in Sweet Sugar Park or something like that. IT WAS AMAZING! One thing about me: I love fireworks with ALL my heart!! Any holiday having to do with fireworks is my absolute favorite. And these ones lit up the sky! I met the cutest, most annoying four year old, and we played "bubble gum, bubble gum," (which I didn't know was still a thing), and that frog hand game, that we use to play as a school when it was an inside recess. Once the finale ended, Nicole and I drove from C-470 and Yosemite (which is way east) all the way to C-470 and Kipling (which is way west) to go see Tyler for a bit after work and try to get glimpses of fireworks in his area; then all the way back to Highlands Ranch Pkwy and Wildcat Reserve (East again) to pick up mom from work, then back at home right in the middle. It was a long night, but so worth it.

Tyler went to court on the 6th and after all the stress, he only came out needing to pay a $500 fine and have proof of insurance by the next court day August 6th. He's happy. I'm happy. We're good there.

We went apartment shopping yesterday after work, and the place we went to for a showing went fairly well. The guy who scheduled the showing wasn't there, so we just roamed around the place until we found two guys with their window open that were more than happy to show us around. The apartment itself is tiny but compared to the rest, I see potential!

And just because it was mentioned before, it's said that the part for my car is in the shop today but dad doesn't have the money from the Acura to fix it... I'm just not going to elaborate on that.

All in all it's been a pretty good week, the second job is looking promising, my job is slightly up in the air, but time will tell.... something good will happen.

Family

I'm so grateful for my sister, and my cousin. And yes I did say cousin, but he's practically like a brother.

Today wasn't so bad. I was with people all day and kept busy so, all in all, things went pretty well. My sister and I got crafty, she busted out the canvases, acrylics, paint brushes; and I brought out my drawing book, which I haven't done in a while. She ended up finger painting a canvas different colors between tape. It looks pretty cool.

For me I've been on a zodiac kick for the past two weeks, and so i drew a bunch of Aries symbols. Call me a hippi for believing in the stuff, but it's so accurate. I take a lot of pride in being an Aries. The only other Aries I know is my mom, and when we get along, we're the best of friends, we think exactly alike, same energetic, adventurous, the whole shabang! Lately, I haven't been acting like a true Aries with everything going on but it was nice to reread over the characteristics and remember the ball of energy I should be.

That started off the day, then mom finally came home and the three of us got our hair cut, which is always an amazing feeling. I drove to work, and worked and I noticed that my cousin had called. So on my lunch break I called him back and he's known about what's been going on, so he knew I was bummed but he didn't know the updated version, and he mentioned an alternative....

Moving down to Slidell, Louisiana

At first I was wondering if he had lost his mind, but then I got to thinking it might not be a horrible idea. That kind of atmosphere with my real family would make me feel a trillion times better. The food is a lot heavier down there, but the mood is a lot lighter than here. And he did have a good point when he said, I nor Tyler have a very good foundation up here.

I have a very open mind about it because it's my family were talking here, and I'm always down for some sort of foundation....I don't know, this gives me one more thing to think about... i don't know, if it does end up happening it could be a turning point for the better. I know something will work out.

June 28

I'm freaking out! I feel like I've hit rock bottom with this stuff and I shouldn't even be the one feeling unmotivated. Tyler is the one that's about to lose everything: the roof over his head, which could slowly cause the loss of his job, and in the next couple of days he goes to court to find out how long he loses his licence for.

How did all this happen? Just an unfortunate soul who couldn't choose his family.

What can I do? That's the question I keep asking myself. I've tried talking my parents into letting him stay at my house, and when I was living with him for two months it was: "We might be able to do that," "that kind of environment will make anyone want to kill themselves." But now that I've been back home for a month the response I got was "Well we don't want to set the example to your sister that it's okay for boyfriends to move in!" I'm sorry "What?!" I understand my sister is thirteen, and I completely understand the whole "setting a bad example" but he does work a FULL TIME JOB, working DOUBLE SHIFTS, he gets two days off a week and I'm sorry were both young and adventurous the last thing we're going to do is stay at home on our days off! Plus! Its only for a month! Four weeks! By that time we'll have enough money to move out into our own apartment.

I don't know, parents out there, if you're reading this, give me honest feedback! I love feedback!

So, he talked to his friend, which is where he's staying at now, and he bought himself a little more time under their roof and permission to drive their car to work. What's the catch? It's a thirty minute drive....think about it....

Why don't I drive him you ask? I haven't had a car since February of this year. My dad isn't the most book smart, but he is street smart and he knows people, which is how he got me the car in the first place. And last summer I put that car to good use. I went everywhere, I wanted to explore and that's just what I did. Around winter last year, my car kept overheating, I had to quit using the heater which didn't work anyway and I wasn't able to use the defroster. So I was driving around with completely frosted mirrors and no heat. I told my dad about it, and he told me that when the weather warmed up and he had time he would take it to his buddy's shop and they'd get it fixed, batta bing batta boom! I waited three weeks... he didn't touch it!

My mom (also very street smart) knows a Acura/Honda mechanic....he can only receive text messages when there's wi-fi, and he lives in the ghetto and lives off of street money. Awesome, right? So it took about another two weeks to get him down to look at it, and he fixed it! He looked at it, and said that there was anti freeze leaking into the carbon monoxide and carbon monoxide leaking into my gas (or something along those lines), and something was wrong with the cooling system. Long story short, there was a huge checklist I would have to go through before I got behind the wheel.

At the time I didn't care, the first thing I did was drive to Tyler's apartment complex, parked in visitor parking, and ran in. A couple hours later, we decided to go get food; so we got in my car, I went to go pull out, and sure enough the right side of my bumper tore off!! Five months of critical driving, I get it fixed, and my bumper falls off.... I was going to bust into tears!

Anyway, Since then I've been promised that two of the seven cars sitting outside my house would be fixed and up and running for me, and yet, neither one have been moved let alone touched. This is going on month nine now that I've been told a car will be fixed, and hasn't. So cars out of the picture....

Apartments: did you know Colorado's renting prices have reached the rental prices in California? It should also be in statistics that living on minimum wage is damn near close to impossible! Everything is SO expensive! If I can find one for $700, it has bugs; if I find one that reasonably close to where we work, its $850, if I find one that's in price range, its 12.0 miles away. I never thought finding an apartment would make me want to rip out my hair! We're down to three complexes that are near by, and one of them is a little out of budget, and the other two are in questionable neighborhoods.

But these are our last resorts, we just found these places and of course it's the weekend so the offices are closed! So tomorrow is a big day! If this doesn't work, things are going to go south, quick!

Oh! There is also one last option, mom has a friend who lives in Englewood, he needs help with rent, Tyler needs a place to stay temporarily, it sounds doable. As for transportation, I think mom said he lives near a bus or light rail that will take him straight to work, and these run until three in the morning.

Please, Please, Please! Cross your fingers, toes, arms, eyeballs, anything you can and hope for the best! I'll probably have updates soon!

Where do I start?

I feel like any typical blog should start with an introduction, and maybe I'll get around to it, but I'm in the middle of everything, and starting a blog in the middle everything, I think should put the introduction on halt.

But I will say this, I'm just starting out in the world: I come from a blue collar family, I work a full time job, I'm starting college soon (only due to the fact that I won scholarships to get me started), I'm forced to move into a cheap apartment if I want to stay with my boyfriend, and I'm slowly losing my mind. Oh yeah! I haven't had a car for the last four months either! (What a start!)

For the most part I try and do succeed in staying happy. I work a lot! But I love my job, and I love the people I work with (most anyway). A few girls that I found there are just like me, except a little worse off; which is why I try not whine too much. But they tell their stories and crave listening to them. My boyfriend and I have just passed our year mark and holy hell has it been a year! He and I both were convinced love didn't exist until somehow we broke each others walls got lost in each others hearts. I don't get to see him but once a week, maybe, but the little time we do spend together, I fall in love with him all over again. I do have a younger sister who craves my attention! I love her to death. Although it is a little tricky right now beings I'm entering young adult stage while she's entering teenage girl stage (I still can't believe it)! And what do I do? In the little time that I do have to myself I like to relax and keep quiet.

I'm always on Pinterest, and
I see blog after blog after blog, and I love them, but there's no blog that really talks about starting off life, so I figured I would take all this noise in my head and put them in words to help keep my sanity and hopefully help out kids and young adolescents just as lost as I am.

I guess this did turn out to be a bit of an introduction, but I'm sure more about me will slip out in the near future.