I'm Trying Something New This Year

Tyler and I are both getting frustrated how whenever we have conversations, I don't have much to say. I listen to everything he says, and I try to come up with a response, but my mind is just blank. There's not too much that goes on, and it's making me nervous. I used to have so much going on in my head, but a lot of it just seemed irrelevant, and stress causing, so I trained myself to block it out, but now everything is blocked.

It's not only my thoughts that I'm losing, it's my emotions too. I've become so numb towards people in general, because it seems that every one of them are just too selfish to even consider how I'm feeling. I'm honestly not trying to portray a depressed lifestyle, because I'm not even depressed. It's more of a nonstop numb feeling and I'm trying to find out how to get back to me.

I see this similar to that movie Inside Out, that movie with the emotions, and the happy emotion and the sad emotion get lost in limbo looking for something, and all of the little girl's happy memories and sad memories were gradually disappearing, and her emotions were being consumed by panic, anger, and jealousy. I'm not really angry but panic and jealousy are pretty predominant right now.

To stay on track, with the new year, I'm going to try something new, and cross every limb on my body that it works: I'm going to start writing/typing/blogging more. I'm not one to know what to write about a lot of the time, which is why I don't write a lot, but I have put some thought into it and this is what I've come up with. (Some are lame I'm not going to lie, but I'm desperate).

One thing I would like to write and take action on, is getting back into what I used to do for fun. That's playing basketball, swimming, photography, and rearranging collages, spiritual zodiac, yoga, and school for sure, for sure.

Another thing that I think should help, is going back and accepting both my past and my present. I know this is a huge reason why I am the way I am. Reality doesn't phase me, because I don't like to accept how I have it, it's too much, or not the way I want it (again lame, but unfortunately very true).

Tying with the previous chunk. I really want to start thinking of where I'm at now and where I want to be. This could include mental wise, physical wise, personality wise just me in general. What I want to change, because I see that change is mandatory. I know I'm not at a good state of mind right now and that needs to change.

Lastly, for right now, I want to try to think about my future. Obviously I'm not going to have it all figured out, because as of right now I have no freaking idea, but I'm hoping with a little more time of trying new things, that maybe I'll find bits and pieces.

Here's to 2016!